Inevitably, my brain kills my momentum

So, now I’m thinking “You’re an idiot.  Why are you even bothering with VP?  You won’t get in, and even if you’re accepted, you probably can’t actually go, so give up.”

And there’s some truth there–even if accepted, I might not be able to swing the money because of other things that need to be paid for, so is it really even a good idea to apply?  But also, either I want to write or I don’t.  VP shouldn’t even come into it.  So I’m just going to write, and consider the options regarding VP if I come to a point where I have something to send in.  I’m going to need to check finances very carefully, because while we can probably afford it, it may not be the best use of funds. 

But then I wonder if that idea is just my stupid self-image issues sabotaging me.

Published by Michael R. Johnston

Father of a fifth grader, high school English teacher, writer. Forty-six years old and feeling almost every bit of it on some days, and not a bit of it on others. Based in Sacramento, California, USA

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