10 Things I Probably Say Too Often (in my classroom)

  1. “That sound you hear?  That’s the sound of grades plummeting.”
  2. “How can you raise your grade?  Build yourself a Time Machine, go back in time, and slap the hell out of yourself for not turning in your work.”
  3. “Writing does not require the use of your mouth.”
  4. “Focus, young padawan.”
  5. “When I said ‘Times New Roman 12 point font,’ I did not in fact mean ‘Comic Sans 20 point.'”
  6. “I am arresting you for crimes against grammar.”
  7. “You do understand what teacher means, right?  I’m not just standing here for fun.”
  8. English does not mean reading.  There’s more than one skill I must teach you.”
  9. “Yes, you are writing an essay.  Welcome to high school.”
  10. “… yeeeeah. No.”